My life after EPM;
I’m rounding an anniversary. I’m sliding into five years post injury. I have to stop to think that through….has it really been five years? Almost.
So much has changed and so little has changed. I’m still adrift. I don’t know what life holds for me anymore. I have to wonder if if I’m sliding into home plate.
Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t given up. I will never give up. After a five year hiatus, I have started swimming again.
I have to say this is a HUGE deal. First, I was terrified, absolutely terrified. Immediately after my injury, I had started back to weightlifting. I found that I could not do it. My muscles would give out as I pushed myself to lift my normal weights, and slowly, I dropped to lower and lower weights with the same result: my muscles would give out.
I had never been a fast swimmer, but I had always been a good swimmer, and pre-CPM, I was able to swim lap after lap for over an hour at a time.
When I lost my ability to lift weights, I wondered if I had also lost my coordination. Would I fail at swimming as I had failed at lifting weights?
I couldn’t handle the thought, so I didn’t try.
About a week ago, I tried. It was momentous to me. In the first 25 yards, my quadriceps cramped. Then my biceps and triceps cramped. I couldn’t breathe, but I pushed myself to continue.
With every length of the pool, I pushed myself past the pain and fear, and I ended up succeeding.
It isn’t easy. I have to work at it each time I get in the water. I have to push past the pain, the fear….I have to work. And even after, I have finished, later in the day, my muscles will revolt, but my spirit has gained.
I will not let EPM claim the rest of my life. I will continue to push myself to the extremes and beyond the fear. I hope you do too.
Blessings and happiness.
Hyponatremia and Central Pontine Myelinolysis 