Apologies and such:
I hope you are doing as well as we can be. I feel like I should apologize because there is always so much that I want to do, and there is so much that I haven’t done.
I feel like I’m always falling behind, in everything, and I find myself apologizing for a lot of things.
I apologized to my daughter for not having the energy to take her swimming today. I find myself thanking God that the pool isn’t open until after I go to work. Tomorrow, though, I will be heading that direction. We do have a good time at the pool, and I love spending that time with her. Soon, school will be starting, and I will wish I could take her to the pool again.
Time is flying by, and it seems like I am standing still.
My days are filled with so much. Laundry. Groceries. Cleaning. Cooking.
I have taken on those responsibilities because my husband and I have separated. There is so much that I could say about that but won’t. I know it’s for the best. I am so relieved.
Taking on the role of being a single mom has been insane. My world before EPM, I wouldn’t have hesitated at being a single mom. I worked full time. I went to school full time. I took care of my son by myself. I was stressed, but I could handle it. Now, I can’t even go to work 16 hours a week, and I find being a single mom exhausting.
But, when you are in an unhealthy relationship, you have to make changes. You can find yourself a target for abuse and manipulation. It’s easy for that to happen when you have short term memory loss. It really gives perspective on how our elderly in society can be taken advantage of. You have to watch for warning signs.
I find myself apologizing to friends for not being able to visit or talk. I find myself apologizing to family for not reaching out, or for saying that I will come to an event, but then running out of energy and not going.
I find myself thinking about those of you looking for information and for treatments, and I feel so badly that I haven’t gotten the latest numbers up or info that I posted in comments loaded to a new post.
After I get home from work, I find myself drained, and I find that I still have to put away the dishes, and unpack a suitcase, and that tomorrow, which is really today, I have a doctor appointment, have to make lunch and dinner for the kids, and clean, and do more laundry, and make appointments for the groomer, and make arrangements to get the dog, and fill out paperwork, and get paperwork, and make phone calls.
I am alive. I am grateful. I have so much to do, and I know you do to.
Hopefully, I will make this part of my routine because there is so much really important stuff to discuss, but for right now, I am sorry because I have to go to sleep.
I will make the effort tomorrow to add more relevant information besides just an apology. Please, be the thorn in my shoe and keep on me to do it, until then, I’m glad we’re still alive and kicking. Thank God for today and tomorrow!