Ok, so guess what I forgot to do today? Yes. That’s right, get my lab work done. Well, to be honest, it wasn’t really a matter of forgetting, but a matter of not wanting to get up at 7:30am when the alarm went off.
Apparently, I just can’t get up after 4 hours of sleep after I’ve taken 10mg of Ambien.
I’m exhausted, and I’m ready to start my infusion of caffeine to get me through the rest of today. I swear it would be awesome if I could just get my hands on IV caffeine. I need a 24 hour slow drip.
I bet I wouldn’t be so tired if I remembered to take my thyroid medications every day. That’s just a thought.
So, as I said, I missed my 7:30am labs, but I did make it to my 12:30 halter monitor replacement. This is being done for the cardiac testing. I was having major variations in my heart rate about a month ago, and between the cardiology office not sending the request and my not being available, I’m just now having the test.
Of course, all of my irregular heart rates have subsided, and I think it’s because of the increase in my thyroid medication. I’ve been taking an increase in thyroid over the past two weeks. Since then, I’ve definitely had a decrease in cardiac episodes.
Well, it will make for a very uneventful report, which I’m sure my cardiologist will read as that I have absolutely no issues with my heart. She would be right if my hypothesis surrounding the thyroid medication is correct. It would mean that my cardiac episodes are being caused by hormone fluctuations.
It’s truly amazing how complex the human body is.
Today has been pretty mellow. I still have to go to work which I’m sure will cause the severe headache (like the one I forgot to mention last night), the mild nausea, the fatigue, the tremors, and it will cause me to focus on the fact that I’m so much slower at everything than I was previously. It’s over all depressing, but I can’t not work. You might be facing the same predicament. You’re sick and you have to work.
The most obvious issue that I had today was when I went to have my monitor replaced.
I was supposed to turn in a tracking sheet for the “events” and medications from the previous 24 hours. I SWEAR I put the paper in my purse. I SWEAR I didn’t take it out. So, I sat in the waiting room sorting through my purse over and over again. I couldn’t find the paper anywhere.
I was becoming more and more anxious over the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to turn it in. I did have one period of chest pain from the day before, but I couldn’t remember what time it was that I had it. Was it in the afternoon when I was laying down or was it when I was falling asleep at night?
I HATE not being able to remember these things. I can’t keep them straight any more. So, I decided I wouldn’t write anything on the paper. But, I couldn’t find it anyway. (She didn’t ask for it, and I didn’t remember to ask her about it, so I guess it worked out).
When I was getting ready to leave the nurse asked: so, what’s it doing out there?
My response: oh, it’s beautiful and sunny.
Nurse: So, it’s stopped raining?
Me: It’s gorgeous. It’s not raining. Have a great day.
Nurse: thanks, you too.
I left and walked to the front of the hospital. It wasn’t sunny. It was sprinkling. It was freaking cold and windy! It was extremely windy. If you told me that I was in Chicago off the lake, I would have believed you.
What was I thinking?! What alternate universe did I go through? I SWEAR, it was warm and sunny when I went into the hospital. I didn’t even bring a jacket with me. I don’t remember being cold when I went to my car, but I must have been because the thermostat read 42.
The other thing that’s been “bothering” me is that I no longer have the mental capacity to listen to the radio while I drive. I have always loved listening to music while I drive, and even more so, I love to sing to my favorite songs. Yes, I’m a car performer.
Due to my over whelming shyness around people, I really don’t sing any where but the car, but that has changed.
Listening to music while I drive has become an impossibility. It’s hard enough to concentrate to what’s going on the road with the music off now. It’s funny because my mind is becoming like a classic Seinfeld episode. I have completely random thoughts going through my mind a mile a minute with little or no connection.
I was driving down a back street on the way home, and suddenly I was looking off on the side of the road staring at a sign. When I realized what was going on, I was able to veer back into my lane. Thankfully, no one else had been in the opposite lane.
I HATE confessing my ongoing weaknesses. I’m super independent, and to think that I might have some “major” issues that need to be addressed eats at me.
My significant other will read this and he will freak out and that will lead to a confrontation.
Yes, I have officially turned in to my 85 year old grandmother. I have never felt so akin to how older people feel; the loss of attention, the fear of losing their freedom, not being able to remember where their glasses or keys are.
This brain injury has put me into the region of 65 to 85 at the age of 34, and that is terrifying.
I wish I had words of wisdom for you as I write this: Keep your chin up, it will get better or something of the like, but with absolute honesty I can’t say that.
The only thing I can say is: you aren’t alone, and don’t just “deal” with it. You need to be proactive and try to get help. I’m going to start cognitive rehabilitation in March. I’m really looking forward to it. I pray that it’s not just coping mechanisms but REAL treatments that will help to rebuild or strengthen areas.
I’ll complete the rest of this post tonight, but as for now, best wishes!